me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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