Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Text me some of your sweat
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