My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
