apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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