My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
