i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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