Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
