Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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