I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
