I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
