what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
