found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
