road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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