You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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