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• (212): View more from New York

  btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

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• (752): View more from California

  What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?

  (209): View more from California

  I think the two go hand in hand.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just found my car keys in your throw-up.

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• (831): View more from California

  It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know

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• (408): View more from California

  You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts

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• (951): View more from California

  I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...

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