obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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