yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
