As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
