Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
high people should be assigned attendants
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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