I wish I could teleport
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
