I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
