I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
