roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
