I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
