Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
