I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
