Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
