I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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