I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
