please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
