member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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