toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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