I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
