thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
