Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
