dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
