"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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