Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
