dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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