I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we're making bets on your personal life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
