i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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