Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
