You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
