we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
