I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
