someone threw a dead crab at me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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