the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
