I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
