okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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