In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
