his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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