Pants 0. Shit 1.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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