I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
