You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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