member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
