Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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