Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
