Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
