her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
