At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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