just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
