meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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