I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
