I am puke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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