I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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