Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
