He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
