I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
