he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
